Day 5 - #5FreeWritingDays

At first, it seemed that... (8min of free writing)

The boat wasn't moving at all but as the fog started to cleae he could make out the lines that defined the other bank of the sea. He not so secretly hoped thaf this island was clear and free of villanous humans but he was certain that his wish was virtually impossible. Heart beating. The boat drew nearer.
Passengers were chatting away, misbehaving children yelling away with ice cream treats in their hands. Not an unusual sight at a summer destination. But his mind could not wander far from the ones that were surely to come for him, closely behind.

Day 4 - #5FreeWritingDays

When I'm done I...
(5min of free writing)

When I'm done I put my feet up and grab my cup of tea after a day's work well done. I'm finally happy with all of this, I am fit and successful and working and making money and I'm enjoying it all. I have clear skin and a clear  brain that doesn't melt at every chance it gets. I will reach my goals, eventually and I am confident that this will happen very soon. I am already feeling better, more excited about the future. But we'll see about that tomorrow morning. I am happy now because I am back at filling up notebooks and that's a very nice feeling.
(A personal mantra, not the truth)

Day 3 - #5freewritingdays

Lisa woke up and felt (10 minutes of Free Writing)

Lisa woke up and felt relief that she could now breathe freely and smoothly. "this is the hardest day in my life and it hasn't even started". the clock marked 4 a.m. "it's like assembling a puzzle blindfolded". She felt the pressure of a new stage in life. It seems like people feel that the only purpose in life is to be productive. The fear of joining them was so crippling that she not feel safe inside her own brain. You know,the brain can create avoidance strategies so powerful they can cripple damage and prevent you from actually moving or taking care of yourself. It's a snowball, the more you delay your painful experience, the bigger and scarier they get. Lisa just wanted to leave at once; never come back; stop breathing; enter hybernation or even a coma. Anything seemed more plausible than actually reading the email she had received the night before. Her hands froze

Day 2 - #5freewritingdays

Omen
(10min of free writing)

Omen is a calling from a soul that shares the same space as you. It is a simple voice that says hey! This must not be overlooked so do not overlook the tears of your half because he may seem distant he may be suffering he said he would never have but any money on the fact he could ever love someone so deeply as profoundly as he loved her. He was not counting the universe to send  Virginia his way it as was her not virginal quality that drew him closer and then he was hooked even after all the hurt they both had caused one another there was nothing better than the feeling of plenitude that accompanied their embrace. So he found himself in the shoes of a man he once despised and made fun of, alone, calling her home phone hoping she would answer but she never would because she was sharing the bed with someone else there is no shame just jealousy.

(Author's note - This was clearly inspired by the last episodes of the 3rd season of Masters of Sex, which I just finished a few days ago. I guess it got stuck in my brain)

Day 1 - #5freewritingdays

Unusual traits of happy people
(5min of free writing)

The most unusual trait of happy people is that they seem to actually be prettier and calmer than most of us other sad ones may be pretty but sometimes they lose their aura their shine i would prefer if this bit of writing was actually a list so here it goes:
A list:
- they have a lighter baggage to carry, they don't need a helping hand
- they fit in
- they thrive in most conditions
- their eyes aren't swollen don't itch all the time from the tears they've cried
- their hearts don't ache all the time for no reason at all
-they don't believe they'll be happy all the time and forever

#5freewritingdays

In the next 5 days I will be sharing some free writing exercises. For those that are not familiar with free writing, it's an exercise that consists in giving yourself a premise (sentence, word) and a limit of time. Then you must write continuously. That means that even if you feel like you're stuck you must write something. you don't have to stick to punctuation or grammar rules and mistakes are allowed.
It is something that is not only used encourage writing and get over writers block but also to help with anxiety and other psychological disorders by expressing and letting go of feelings.

Here it goes!

The Running Gap List / November

- take another coursera class
- make a new email account - ☆
- perfect my CV
- find a job/internship
- study more German
- study more Italian
- keep up this blog
- make a list of books and films -☆
- learn to knit
- stick to an exercise routine 
- create a minimalist bedroom - ☆
- become less anxious
- save up a significant amount of money (not yet but i've saved a good bit by now)
- travel / go on a trip
- finish my wreck this journal
- make some business cards
- read 30 books (2/30)
- see 30 films
- hear 30 new albums

(The items marked with a ☆ have been completed)

After the move - 4/11/15

This is my first post after the move.
I feel good after this change but I am also a bit unsure.

I have been feeling like I haclve no real friends. I'm no saying I have no friends but I feel like the friendships I've created seem to be not that stable. I think I have become somewhat of an extroverted introvert, meaning I have locked my self inside my home in order not to think or deal with life but have, in public, maintened my an extroverted apearance.   That has made me a bad friend, one that only cares about herself.

I think I was always a person with a fear of taking chances.

And this year is all about getting rid of that park of me and becoming autonomous and active.

Here's to a much wanted change.

The running gap year list / October

- take another coursera class
- make a new email account
- perfect my CV
- find a job/internship
- study more German
- study more Italian
- keep up this blog
- make a list of books and films
- learn to knit
- stick to an exercise routine 
- create a minimalist bedroom
- become less anxious
- save up a significant amount of money
- travel / go on a trip
- finish my wreck this journal

17/10/15 - finally a project

This past week I had a meeting with one of my old teachers and we restarted a project that had been dorment for a few years: we are staging a play: Strindberg's Miss Julie.

I am going to act in it as well as help stage and produce it.

I feel so proud. I have already started rehearsal and it went very well.

I also finished my CV but I really want to give it an original look. I want it to be visually refreshing. Still collecting ideas.

Mess - 11/10/15

Moving sucks.

02/10/15 - Tacling a more minimalist lifestyle

Since the beginning of summer thaf i've been wanting to get rid of baggage, both emotional and physical.
The physical has been much easier, without a doubt. From june onward i've thrown out/donated an enourmous amount of things, adding up to about 20  big trash bags worth of things.
This is a part of my stuggle to be more focused and less anxious all the time. And I found that getting rid of the clutter has helped me. When I create a barrier of stuff around me, it acts as a distraction and an excuse to not do anything.

I've started working on my CV, for the first time in my life. My goal right now is to finish it this weekend and then to start asking for advice on how to improve it.

Kisses.

29/09/15

The last week has been hard. I had troubles with both of my cats. One of them ran away (he is back now)  and the other is sick.

I get very easily anxious in situations like these and it just adds up.
I guess I am at a standstill. I get these enourmous urges to self-destruct. I sleep for 12 hours and leave literal piles of stuff around me in my bedroom. I think I may be trying to build a fortress.

My chores for tomorrow are to send two emails and to put my clutter for sale on the Internet.

Kisses.

so, welcome

22/09/2015 this is something I created to help me document my gap year. it's not supposed to be an exciting travel blog or an amazing journey into the job market. it is a journey into overcoming procrastination, anxiety and finding out more about myself. i hope it works out for the best. this project ends on the 22 of September, 2016.